Sunday, June 7, 2015

Sunset Glow

If people ask me, why do i became like this?
why do my heart become as broken as this?
why do i feel unstable - impossible to heal like this?

i can't even answer that.
I don't even know myself.
I just don't know.

Because i remember,
i had once asked one of my bestfriend, about all of the things he did that i'm not really fond of, a
and all the things and acts, that i kinda disagree with him.
About how i already lost some trust to him when he did something behind my back that i couldn't believe it.
I feel betrayed. by him.

But amid all of that, i still decide to stay.
To try again.
To hope.
To expect.
To dream.
for we can work things out.

It's weird to wrote 'we'.
because it doesn't exist anymore.
normally, i would be crying by now.
Weeping and pathetically persuading my sorrow heart to let go. to accept.
there's no more 'we' anymore.
but now, i feel numb.
I don't feel it is judicious, it just that i felt dull, flat and callous.

is it normal thing to do?
to feel like this?
to feel like walking on a horizontal emotion?

I'm learning now.
to accept that bad things can happen to you but you still can live normally.
I learn that there is always a first time for everything.
I learn that don't ever mess around with someone ego.
I learn that don't push people to the level they won't feel a thing anymore.
I learn that don't hurt people. Because we are not always become who we are right now.
People change.
Sometimes you'll be the broken one.
And sometimes you are the reason they are broken.

Learn to accept that it is okay not to be okay. We will always evolving to adapt into the environment around us. Our capability to evolve, depends on how well we understand people; and that could not be learn in a day. It takes time to understand people around us, and most of the time, we failed. Not because we are not trying hard enough,
but sometimes they also have their own wall we need to face hardly.

I'm evolving right now. Adapting to a world where there is no 'we' anymore.

Frankly, I'm not sad anymore. I just want to have a life.
Allah gives me a life.
and i should appreciate it.
I'm a soul.
A wanderer.
A wanderer will always be awesome. As they will always move;searching for a world that imperfect but perfect enough for them to live.

I'm not okay. but i will be someday. maybe tomorrow. or another few sunset glow.

you shall be okay too.
you'll be fine too.
yeah you.
the one who reading this.

sweet dreams.

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