Thursday, April 30, 2015

i cant sleep.
maybe because i'm not used being like this.
it has been months.. but i still cant do it.
feels like things are still normal.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Place me in the corner Inside your heart



I wish I meant something to you
Like you did to me

I wish I could stay as new
As when you first found me

Oh my
Head is tight from just tryna hide my views
Oh when
I keep trying my best just to keep you

Place me in the corner
Inside your heart
So that you remember
Baby when I'm gone...

(chorus)
Are you still having fun
While I'm still waiting
(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Maybe when I am gone
You'll learn something
(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

I'm not as smart as your books
But I know how to look
Out for you...

I come with the head and the heart
Being using it from the start

And my
Brain is starting to suffering bcos of you
Still
I've been trying my best just to please you

Place me in the corner
Inside your heart
So that you remember
Baby when I'm gone...

(chorus)
Are you still having fun
While I'm still waiting
(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Maybe when I am gone
You'll learn something
(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Place me in the corner
Inside your heart
So that you remember
Baby when I'm gone...

(chorus)
Are you still having fun
While I'm still waiting
(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Maybe when I am gone
You'll learn something
(Waiting for the mountains to fall)(x2)

Friday, April 17, 2015

Ten years.



It was six o'clock.
I woke up and went ahead straight to the kitchen. I saw my mom there washing our clothes. It's her normal
routine, even it was Sunday, there would be still laundry from before. I had spent my whole day watching
tv, ezpecially until 5 or 6 pm there would be a lot of cartoons and anime.
As the clock approaching 6.05 i was already in the living room again with a broom on my right hand.
i swept the floor while my little brothers and sisters already going outside to play.

My dad came out from the back room, our third room in the house, with his towel arond his waist and
walked towards the tv cabinet. He opened the left door and put some sort of white document that was on his
right hand before.

I finished sweeping the floor around 20 minutes later and went towards the kitchen again to
throw away all the dust and other i-don't-even-know-why-even-it-was-here -on-the-floor-in-the
-first-place-let's-just-throw-it-away.
I saw my dad was cooking something.

"Ape tu yah?"

"Kuah kacang"

Smells like kuah kacang satay. or nasi impit. A silver plastic was placed next to the
pot. Seems like kuah kacang ekspress. Just put into the pot and add some water.

I went to take a shower and my other siblings are waiting for their turn already.
After that, i saw my dad eating his kuah kacang in a bowl but I'm not sure he was eating it with what.
Well that's not even my concern. Tomorrow will be Monday. urghhhh

He went to take a shower and i went to my room. Asar was near. Maghrib gonna finish soon.
I performed my prayer and by the time I finished reciting some doa, i took away my kain telekung,
but still wearing my tudung telekung, i walked toward the door and heard car engine being started.

I stood on the front door of our house..
I opened a little bit more of our sliding door, and saw my dad already in
our red car. I looked at him. He's changing the reverse gear. and started to hit the accelerator slowly.

I watched him slowly getting dissappear from our front porch.

and that's the last time i saw him breathing.


His body arrived at our house around 10 am the next morning.
Already full kafan.
And still I was still in my world. Saying he was still out there.
This is not him.

*********************



That was ten years ago. 
Ten years,
Wow.
I never thought i could come this far. 


I know you know what I wrote dad. 
Thank You for coming by once a while. 










Wednesday, April 15, 2015



Make yourself busy.
you can do it. 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Perjalanan

when i reminisced back all the stories, all the things that ever happen,
I do realized something. 
Every path, every way in my destiny had been beautifully written.
Either berubah di tengah jalan atau memang yang dah tertulis sejak azali. 

For the past few years, i learned things. Thing that I never thought would happen to me. 

Things are really complicated right now. 

After I met Pak Long last week really had changed everything.

My hope doesn't happen to be the same again.
My tears flows not because of the same thing again. 
It flows because knowing there would  be no us. Not even a bit. 
Because I already know the ending. 
Because I know it too much. 

********

Why do you treat me so well? so normal?"

"Because that's the only way stopping me from being sad."

"We both trying to be normal again. We can. But we have to accept the fact that we already know the ending. "

"Yep. Kita kena terima hakikat."

"What are we now?"

"Best friends. "

"Sure. We have no other choices. "


Best friends. Sure.