Monday, March 3, 2014

the purest heart

last two weeks,
when i was home, resting watching the television, something happened. 
i dont know how to tell about it exactly but after that moment, i realized what does a pure heart mean, who would feel it, how and why.

as usual i was laying down in front of the television, and my 11 y/o lil brother sitting next to me.
he seemed kinda boring with what i watch. then, he took the tafsir alquran that ayong left on the cabinet next to us when she was dok hafal surah utk baca kat ustazah.

so iwan took it, sat back right at me. 
he opened it and kept quiet.
it's not like dia tak pernah mengaji ke apa. but maybe selama ni dia tak pernah baca yang tafsir punya. 
i didnt know what he was up into at first but then he called me.
with his face yang macam ketakutan, macam baru nampak something yang cukup buat dia tergamam, mata dia yang macam nak menangis,

iwan : kakak, iwan takut la baca ayat ni.

i feel kinda weird. apa yang dia baca sampai macam ni skali reaksi dia. 

me : apa dia? meh akak tengok. 
iwan : ni ha, cuba akak baca.

and i read it. 
it was surah taha. page yang hanya ada ayat 1 sampai 5.

andddddddddddddd i was upset.
because i didnt felt anything. nothing. none. 
langsung tak ada apa apa feeling.
i just read the tafsir as usual.
then i asked him again,

me: yang ni ke? 1 sampai 5 ni?
iwan : a'ah. iwan takutlah.
me : adik faham ke maksud ayat ni ckp pasal apa?
iwan : tak. baca bahasa melayu je. tak faham pun apa dia ckp tp iwan takutla nak baca lg.
dahla iwan nak pergi main.

he closed the tafsir and rushed outside nak pergi main game rumah amir.
just like nothing happened.
and i was stuck there thinking why i didnt feel anything.
literally anything.
why only he felt that.

i was amused how it trapped his heart. until today i still remember the way he looked at me and saying, 
"kakak,iwan takut la baca ayat ni"

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